Keep the Change!

People will talk. They’ll question your choices, critique your confidence, and side-eye your healing like it’s up for debate.

But this week on Emotional Conversations with Esther, we’re calling it what it is—projection, fear, and a whole lot of noise.
Because the version of you that needed their approval doesn’t live here anymore.

We’re unpacking how to stay grounded when everyone’s got something to say, how to separate their opinion from your identity, and why your growth doesn’t need a vote.

Let them talk. Let them wonder.
Just smile… and let them keep the Change.

#KeepTheChange #EmotionalConversationsWithEsther #HealingOutLoud #GrowthIsPersonal #UnbotheredEnergy #YourOpinionYourBusiness

https://www.instagram.com/emotional_conversationswithe/

HOM, Hour of Meditation- https://www.youtube.com/live/_5KWa_UszFg?si=dKLdh8_quky2t3vH 

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:09

Hello, hello, everybody out there. Welcome back to Emotional Conversations with Big Esther. Nevertheless, of course, I'm gonna let the beat ride out for you as Friday. Period. Hello, hello, everyone. It is really good to have everyone back. Listen, shout out to everyone that's listening, that's been listening. I love you guys. All the new first time listeners, last-time listeners, people that have been rocking with me. I love y'all. It's been an interesting week. I hope everyone's doing amazing. I hope everyone is in strength. I hope everyone is evolving and healing. You know, thank you so much for tuning into emotional conversations with Big Esther. Okay. Now, this is a space where we peel back the layers, we speak the truth, and we hold space for what is real. And that's just right. We get tender, we get raw, and period. That's just what it is. So today I'm gonna, I promise you guys, this is gonna be a really quick one. It's Friday, and God is good. Listen, I work weekends, so when people are like, oh my gosh, thank God for Friday, I'm like, yeah, sure. I work on weekends. I did hustle. Okay, but God is good. I hope everyone is in really, really good spirits. I am. The Lord has been so, so, so, so good. He's really just been holding your girl strong and just like, yeah. And I I can't thank the Lord enough. Okay. So one thing that I have been really working on is recovering, because I was an addict, recovering and really just finding who I am and who God has called me to be, and really disassociating from people's like views, perception, like perceptions of me and views of me, and how people perceive me and and you know, just validation and just how I used to be so tied to that. That literally can like controlled my world. Like the people that loved me, I didn't even really care because I'm like, y'all are there. It was the people that didn't like me or you know, always wanted to perceive me in the wrong light. I was addicted to that, right? Super, super huge people pleaser, humongous, ginormous people pleaser is what I used to be. And I'm telling you, when the shackles of that bondage come off you, hey, listen, I'm gonna cue Mary Mary. I ain't got it, but I'll give y'all a church dance. But yeah, like I was a listen, I was suffering, I was never happy, and I hated my life. I'm not even gonna lie, like I hated it. Listen, pretending, trying to fit in when really I'm just a gem. Like, I'm a gem. I'm a listen, I'm a gem. Listen, when you find a diamond, it's in the rough. You gotta really take time, make sure that you purify it and shape it up and buff it and do all that good stuff. Like, that's me. That's big Esther. Like people can say, whatever, you know, I've always I was called aggressive for a really long time, and just a lot of stuff. And I really I really would see myself through the lens of other people. And I just like that is so disheartening, and it makes you not happy when you literally start to begin and go on that journey of finding what are like, you know, the things that you love and the things that you really care about and what makes you happy and what brings you deep joy and satisfaction and contentment, it's freeing, okay? So if you are listening right now, you don't have to be who your parents said you have to be, you don't have to be who you think other people want you to be. You need excuse me, you need to be yourself, you need to be who God has called you to be. And you guys can both go on that journey, right? And that's what I've been doing. I've been doing some deep work, but listen, I've been assisted by the Holy Spirit because I can never do it on my own. And I give all the glory and all the praise to Jesus Christ, okay? Because he's been doing a good thing. So today I want to really talk to you guys quickly about the opinions of other people. The opinions like in society right now, especially if you are on Beyonce's internet every single day, uh like people's opinions are literally everywhere. They're and the funny thing is they're free. Your opinions are free. We're not paying for your opinions, your opinions are free, and people's opinions are loud, and they echo, okay? They echo and sometimes they take that echo silences uh the good voices in your mind. They silence your voice, they put you on mute while all you hear is around all the noise. And we need to really get into a place where we can literally silence the noise and and also navigate how to receive people's opinions, but not necessarily have them land on us and change us and change our visions and the things that we love and the things that we want to do. I want to really like help you guys kind of navigate that space. And when I say help you guys, help myself also. I'm always talking to myself too. When I pod, I'm always talking to myself too. I don't want you guys to think I'm coming here and I'm preachy and I know everything because I don't. If you know, you know, okay. Okay, so basically, I think for me, where my healing started is when I was I hit rock bottom. I'm like, I can't do this anymore. Like, I cannot do this anymore. I can't, I can't be in groups that don't make me feel like I can be myself. I can't be in conversations that are like that. I wanted to break out, I wanted to break free. I wanted, I just came to a place where I was like, no, I'm not living for anybody else, but Jesus Christ and myself. I want to be free. I'm a free child. And it's not now I'm gonna be in bondage for the rest of my life. That's that's just not what I wanted for my life. And I'm 38 now, guys. Like this is something that has been, I've been really, really going through for all of my 20s into my 30s, and just trying to figure it out and different friendships and talking stages and non-talking stages and just toxic situations and just, you know, blowing in the wind because I really didn't know if I was going, if I was coming. And like I always say, guys, like really truly going on that journey of restoration and transformation and finding out who you are and purifying that and letting the Holy Spirit lead you, it takes time. I think that's something that we continuously will do until the day that we we go to be with the Lord or whatever you do job out there. But so don't think that, oh my gosh, like I'm gonna listen to this podcast and everything's gonna change and I'm just gonna like fight for my no, like you need it's a daily thing, it's a daily work. And I think that for me, I used to be really, really like annoyed when it came to like the work. Oh my god, I don't want to do this. I'd rather just like you know, take people's opinions and let it be law in my life because it comes with a lot of work and it comes with a lot of courage. You have to be, you have to be bold, you have to be ready to fight back, you have to be ready to stand on business about yourself. And that might might make you lose opportunities, it might make you lose some money, it might make you lose friends, family members, relationships. That's just the God honest truth. And if you don't, you could it's either or you can't be in the middle. It really is either or. Like I just really feel like for me, I've always been misunderstood. But when I say that, I was being misunderstood because I I wasn't really presenting like the version of myself that is true, I want to say. And you know, a lot of people mislabeled me, but I don't blame them, to be really honest, because when you don't know who you are, people are just gonna interpret what who they think you are, right? So, and a lot of times one thing that I really will say is like for a long time in my life, I allowed people to project their own fears and insecurities on me and their limitations for their life and the fear that they felt. And they would project it on me and I would take it as law and be like, oh, it's me. I'm the weird one, I'm the one that can't be a good friend, I'm the one that's not a good girlfriend, or I'm the, you know, I really allowed myself to be a dumping ground for people's insecurities, people's fears, their limitations that they see for their life for a really, really long time. And that really hurt me like physically, mentally, emotionally. I was distraught, I was broken. And when you're when you're in that space, it really does attract other people and other things and other energies that are like that. Listen, energy for me is we're spirit beings, right? I don't do no great oogly moogly, okay? I do not do no This ain't hog words, okay? I believe in Jesus Christ, but I know that we're spiritual people, and I know that you can attract those things, you whatever you want to call it, the laws of the universe, whatever. Jesus owns the universe. You Jesus owns everything, he owns all the cattle on the hill. But that stuff is real. Like, you know what I mean? There's principles on this earth that we live by, whether you believe in Jesus or not, right? And I think that that's one of those things. When I was in that place, I was attracting those types of opportunities, I was attracting those types of people, I was attracting those types of conversations. And I find that now that I like I'm really letting myself be free and letting myself um really just blossom and become the woman that God is really that God always wanted me to be. I can say no to that. I can say no, no, no, no, no. You don't get to project on me. That's how you feel, and that's okay. I get to say no to things that I don't want to. It's easier for me to say no. It's either it's easier for me to navigate situations where people give me their opinions that I don't agree with. I give them right back to you. Well, thank you for that. But um, you know, I don't necessarily agree. It really helps me to be bold. You know, I think that I've always had like a really bold and outgoing and charismatic personality, but I feel like I really just get to be myself because I feel like I was around, I I was really, I don't even know how to explain this. Like, I feel like I was being muzzled for a really long time and like being told to be quiet. You talk too much, you have a big mouth, like you're annoying, you're this, you're this, you're this. Sorry, y'all. I really felt that way, and that always wanted me to go inside myself, inside myself, and inside myself. And no, no, no wrongdoing to anybody else. Like, I might have been that, I might have been annoying to them, I might have been too much for them. I might have been, I just think that I had to really free myself and be able to take myself one away from situations that just weren't conducive for my personality and my growth, and make sure that I put myself in places where it's safe for me to be who I am. Um, and you know, this we aligned, we aligned as people, or the situations aligned with my values and things like that. So I really want to talk about people's opinions and why they're free. One, always remember people's opinions are free and how to essentially, you know, deal with people's opinions because especially when you have a podcast or if you have a platform or anything that you're doing in your life, whether it doesn't matter. People are always going to have opinions, literally, literally. So from our childhood, I feel like we're wired to seek validation and seek belonging. I think that's a natural thing. I think that we're made for connection as human beings, so that's normal, right? And and that comes. And I think that sometimes our like we're wired to have our approval as like like we go into survival mode to get it, you know. So we literally do like you, I think you guys have heard this saying before, where it's like, oh, you're a fish out of water. Like you, you wanna you wanna you wanna fit in. It's like a it's it's like a survival instinct. It's actually really interesting when truly and thoroughly studied. And sometimes, like, you know, we you know, we we're we're put in situations where we're you know, we're criticized sometimes, and I think what hurts the most is when you're criticized or people give you like negative opinions, or opinions that might not be negative, but you know, they might think is true when it comes from people that you value and you hold you hold them in such a high esteem that like you're just like whoa, that that that really, really hurts. But I want to let you guys know that a lot of like a lot of this work that I talk about that you we need to do and the journeys that we need to go on, like this stuff is backed up scientifically. I'm not a scientist, so I ain't here to, you know what I mean. But this stuff is real, like your nervous system, it keeps score. Your body keeps score. Read that book, your body keeps score. That's a great book. Google it and you'll find out the author. But this stuff is real, like the quality of life. This is not just things that I'm just like, oh my gosh, yeah, okay, I'm just picking up a mic and want to talk to y'all now. Like, this is something that can change the quality of your life. When you learn how to navigate these situations, one, you just show up as your best self every single day, more and more, so that you can actually grow and expand and have the capacity to help other people and pull people up. That's that's what we're made for. We're made for connection, we're made to help each other. But I think that there's gaps. Okay. So that's what that's what emotional conversations with Esther is here to do, to really, really fill in those gaps. Okay. So I just feel like I have a question for you guys, and you guys can answer this and you guys can reach out to me, let me know what some of your answers are. But the question that I have to ask myself is like, what lens do I have? Like, have I been looking at myself through? Like what lens? Like people's lens, my lens, God's lens, the word of God's lens, like who? My parents' lens, like whose whose lens have I been really, really looking at myself through? And for me, it was always people. And and on top of that, it was people that didn't really rock with me and didn't really like me like that. So it was it was a double whammy, right? Because like like I like I would say, like some people will see you for your past and tell you, like, yo, my guy, I can't, I can't change how I see you. That person that you were, that's how I see you. There's those people. And then there's other people that see your potential, there's those, those people. And then there's like you know, there's a few people that genuinely see your spirit and genuinely see who God has created you to be and everything that involves that. Those people are very rare. Our parents are supposed to be those people for the most part, right? Because we come from them, they they grow us, they they're supposed to really like lead us on that journey, but that's not everybody's situation. I know that's not my reality, and that's absolutely okay. But there, I want you guys to keep those three people in those three groups in my those three groups of people in mind. So people that see you for your past and don't really want to see you past that, and then there's other people that see you for the potential. They're like, no, this person has potential. I'm gonna stick around, I'm gonna stick by him. Like he got a little potential. And then there's people that really truly see you for who you are while you're in the process of be becoming, you know what I mean? Because I don't think that you you arrive to a destination. I think like we're always on a journey of becoming. I I have a my girl Shimona, she has a podcast. You guys go listen to it. Her podcast is amazing. The visuals are absolutely out of this world. It's called Salt and Seasons, and she is a Christian podcaster and she talks about the word Lord and you know her life and her journey and things like that, and she's hilarious. But she has this thing on her show where she talks about becoming. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I love that so much because I don't think that we finally we arrive at a destination. I think that we really wholeheartedly truly are always becoming. Jesus was, but we can, he has given us the the grace to become more like him and you know, all that good stuff. But I think that I think that we we really have to do the work inside. And I think that self-love is a huge thing. And I think that you need to program and rewire your mind to go on that journey and you have to be ready because it's an absolute process. And while you're doing that, when you get to the point where you're like, okay, I want to break free from this, this bondage, I want to be myself, I want to be okay to receive people's opinions, but not have it completely break me. You have to, you have to be okay with people that don't care to, don't care for your in your evolvement, don't care for you to grow, don't care for you to expand, don't, they don't care. They just see you as that person. That's just what it is. And I think a lot of times those type of people, they're not doing the work. So you doing the work really triggers them. Like, you know what I mean? It's like, hey, we were all broken, let's be broken together. Oh, you want to what? Well, Susanna, you want to go out and do something else? You want to go out and be have emotional intelligence, you want to go out and and be and it what you're but you think you're better than us? There's those people, and you have to get away from those people because they're not ready to grow. And that's okay. That doesn't make them a bad person, they're just on their own journey. And that it should be the end of you and that person's journey because, or just keep them at a distance because you got to really fight for yourself. And I think that when you really start to do that and you really start to be like, okay, no, like I can't, I can't live this life anymore, you're gonna lose relationships. That's just the truth. If you're not ready for that, that's okay. If you're in a place where, like, I can't lose any more people, I'm really you you just haven't hit that rock bottom or hit that place, that's absolutely okay. That doesn't make you a weak person, it doesn't make you a bad person. We all have our journeys, like I said, we all have our processes, and one day you will come to that place, but you are definitely going to cry. You are you are definitely gonna have that ugly cry. I've cried many times. I've cried yesterday, I cried to the Lord. I said, Jesus, Jesus Christ, you see me here. You see me, Lord. Send my tribe, Lord, send the people that are for me, send that man that is for me, send that group that believes in my vision, send people that want to help me expand. Like I pray for those things, those things are serious. I'm not going to like those days of just connecting with people randomly for no reason because I wanted to feel validated are long, far, they're over. They're absolutely over. So I don't, I don't essentially, that's not where I want to be, right? So I feel like we also need to learn how to hold space for people's opinions without literally internalizing them. That's that's a huge thing. So let's just say like I have to do that. And I have this thing called the five-second rule, okay? I heard this from somebody that I really, really love, and they told me this because I am the clapback queen. I've I don't think I've fully retired it yet because I'd be clapping back on my uh my enemies too, and I don't think I'm ever gonna really retire it. But I'm the clap back queen. You come for me, and um, usually I will come for you, but now I let the Lord fight a lot. But you might catch me on that day where the Lord is on a break, and the Lord ain't never on a break, He always working for us, but the Lord got something else to do, and He sends me as a representative. Yeah, now we got an issue, right? So the Lord was like, okay, Missy, let's bring that down. You know, I have this thing where if someone says something crazy to me, I give five seconds for myself to process it in my mind and see what I want to do. Now, I also have this thing where I live from, I'm trying to live from the spirit. My spirit is kind, my spirit is loving, my spirit loves Jesus Christ, my spirit loves other people. I don't want to clap back. I want to really like, you know, slap me on one side of my face, let me walk away. Like, that's my spirit. Now, I also have my flesh side, which I'm continually trying to die to every single day, but that side is the one that's gonna cuss you out and tell you about yourself. But I have this five-second rule where when people give me their opinions, there was one time where I was somebody was talking to me about my podcast. And I wanna, I wanna be very, very, very vulnerable because I think that that will help a lot of people. So they're talking to me about my podcast, and they were just like, oh, you know, like, yeah, your podcast is pretty lit, whatever, but the like the images are trash. Like, you know, did it like, you know, they just use like this word that was really like hurtful because when you're trying to launch up, launch something and like the Lord has told you to do it, and like you don't want to do it, and you know that you don't necessarily have all the help yet. When you are putting out the best that you possibly can and someone says that to you, that really, really hurt my feelings. I can honestly be honest and say that like honestly broke me for a long time to the point where I didn't even want to put my podcast out. I didn't want to put any images out or anything like that because I was just like, and the funny thing is they didn't turn around and say, Oh, let me help you with that. They were just like, Yeah, here's our opinion. And to be really honest, right now I want to cuss them out, but I ain't going to. But and that's just me being real, honestly. Like, I still don't really, you know, I had like I'm like I'm not good, those are not the type of people that I want to be around. But it really hurt me because it was, I was in a space where I didn't even want to record. I didn't want to do it. It's not something I was like, God, why are you calling me to have this platform? Like, I'm not a technical person like that. Like I had to learn how to have to get all the equipment and learn how to really put this podcast together. And I was already like, oh my gosh, like I was really overwhelmed. So to hear that really, really hurt my feelings. And I think that a lot of times people just project on you because I I I really do think that. And on top of that, too, when the Lord has called you to do something, you just do it, right? And don't let the devil use you. That's one thing too. We have to like really, really realize, like, like think before you talk. Like, think before you talk. Like, is this something that I should say? Is this necessary? Like, is this gonna help this person? Is this gonna build this person? And maybe they thought it would be like constructive criticism, but it wasn't. It really, really like stood, like it really landed on me. Like, I kept that inside for a really long time. And I don't know why, because I actually don't even care for those people like that at all in any way, shape, or form. Like, I don't care. So, but the devil, if you allow the a veil that like the devil to use you, he will. You know what I mean? And thank God that I'm that's far gone and it's over and it's whatever, whatever. But That's you, I want you guys to use that example to really, really think before you you open your mouth to say crazy things to people or be disrespectful or say things that are unnecessary. Listen, I'm here to say we all make mistakes. Okay, we might give that opinion that we didn't need. At least go back and apologize. You know what I mean? Think about it. Have some have some a lot of people that think that they they have wisdom and they're rolling in common sense and they're so smart. Usually they are the dumbest people. I'm sorry. I'm here to tell the truth. I'm not trying to be rude or insult anybody. They're the ones that need a lot of help, need a lot of emotional intelligence. It's the ones that be like, yo, I don't really got it. I'm trying to work on it, right? So that really, really hurt me. So please think before you you talk, man. Think before you speak to people. And also when someone gives you an opinion, take five seconds to really process it. Speak from the spirit. Don't speak from the flesh because you don't want to, just because someone did it to you, you don't want the devil to use you also in breaking somebody down. Because usually when someone says something to you that is rude or disrespectful, they're already broken most of the time. You don't want to be a part of that. Like if they want to self-sabotage, let them do that on their own. Really, really, it just builds you up. You become a top shelf person. Like people will interact with you that way because you're processing and you're taking time to see, like, hey, what do I, how do I reply back to this? Take five seconds, y'all. Let the Holy Spirit come in or just really take five seconds to process. I always do that. Pause, pause before internalizing it or letting it land on you. Listen, I'd be rebuking people's words all the time. Now, if I feel but I also, it goes into my second point here. And you have to consider the core the source. Who is this coming from? Do I care about these people? Do they do anything for me? Do they help me? Do they speak life into me? Do they give me anything financially? Do they repost my content? Do they repost my content? Do they interact with my content? If everything that is a no, no, no, no, no, it's even better for you to even walk away from them. Like, I'd be walking away from people, looking them dead in the eye and walking away. Like, why are you speaking to me? Like, consider the source. If you, if you're getting constructive criticism or opinions from your parents, people that love you, or friends that love you, or a mentor, a spiritual father, spiritual mother, like those are the ones like you can take in, even if it doesn't come the right way. You can take it in and be like, okay, I think I understand what you're saying here. Ask questions, ask probing questions. Ask questions, like ask ask questions, like you know what I mean. Consider the source. Like, do they even know the full picture? Do though do they know your vision? No. So they're usually just commenting on maybe a snapshot of something that they saw. So please make sure that you guys do that. And essentially, when you when when you have those types of interactions like I did, I think the best thing for you to do is like return to your why, anchor yourself on your purpose, not people, not human beings. Anchor yourself on your purpose. It says in the Bible, like I said, listen, the Lord, like a prophet is not known or appreciated in their own home. Go back to your purpose, your vision, why you do it, your love for what it is that God has called you to do. Align yourself with something that's way greater. You need to align yourself with something that's greater in order to success to be successful in this realm. Like literally think about your healing, the truth that you carry, your growth. Listen, the bec like the opinions of other people should be in the background. You should silence them. You need a season where it's complete silence. Complete silence. Like like literally complete silence because you need to hear the word of the, you need to hear the voice of God clearly or your own voice, whatever it is. Like I believe in Jesus Christ. So I'd be look, I'd be looking to listen to the voices of my leaders, my mentors, the word of God, and Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit, right? So please return to your love, return to your why, and you know, when you go through an experience like that. That's absolutely like that's the best thing to do. And honestly, create boundaries with grace. Create boundaries with grace. Just because someone is giving you an opinion is disrespectful, it's dishonorable, does not mean that you have to pay them back with that. You know, a lot of times for me, I'm just like, okay, I understand your concerns, like most of the time, or I sometimes I've even told people like I trust my journey. I trust this vision that God has me on. It doesn't look like it aligns with what it is that you're telling me or the opinion that you're giving me. You have to be, you don't have to fully know your vision. You don't have to fully know your vision, but you have to believe in the vision. You have to believe that God has really truly called you, or this is something that you want to do. This is something that you truly believe in. It aligns with your values. You have to, or people, or you'll never get started. I started this podcast in 2019 and I listened to so many people and so many voices to the point where I couldn't pod for you guys. Know if you've been following me for a long time, I couldn't pod for like months, you know, because I was like, oh, it's not good enough. Who wants to hear my voice? My my visuals are not good enough. Listen, I don't care. I I do a quick little visual and I put it out because I know that when you tap into this podcast, the spirit of the Lord is here. Okay, you're gonna get something from this podcast. And I truly believe that. But I it took me a while to get here. And sometimes I'm even sometimes, you know, the the voices of doubt and stuff can still come, but you have to silence them because I believe that I'm truly called. And I know that I'm truly called, right? So please create boundaries with grace. You know, be be be take that five minutes to that five seconds to process. If you need a little bit more time, do that. You know what I mean? But do it with grace. Don't be, don't be, you know, if they're going down. Like what did Michelle Obama say? When they go low, we go high, right? Or was it when they go high? Yeah, yeah, when they go low, we go high, okay? Um, but yeah, and I think that another thing that I had to do is I was hurt already and so confused about this podcast that when someone said something negative to me, it really, really affected me. I think one of the really big things that we need to do is heal the wounds that we have. We need to heal the wounds that we have, not just our reactions to people. Truly go inside internally and be like, am, you know what I mean? Like, am I really passionate about this? Am I really called to do this? Is this something that I really want to do? Am I just trying to be a people pleaser? Is this just for validation or is this a passion project? Like, I really want this to affect other people, help other people, and help lift other people up. I think that's a question that you really need to ask yourself. Like, truly go inside, do the work. Do the work. So if someone's opinion, someone gives you an opinion or you get an opinion online, especially now, people just behind the keyboard being thugs, like your the opinion is not, it doesn't crush you. It doesn't bring you down to your knees, right? It doesn't make you doubt yourself for for months at a time, like it did for me in the past. Like, that's where the true work is. That's where the true work begins. I am gonna stop there, but I hope that you guys play this over and over and over again because I know I will. Listen, opinions are there, they're loud, and like I always say, opinions are free, okay? And you can use them to really build yourself if they're constructive. And you also have to look like is the opinion coming in love? Is it coming in malice? Like, really use your spirit of discernment and then move from there. I love you guys so much. So, so so so so so much. Thank you guys so much for coming to my tech talk every time. I hope you guys have an amazing weekend. Get up, touch grass, hug a tree, hug nature. I love nature. Look at God's creation, be yourself. Check me out on speaking arrangements on Instagram, I'm on LinkedIn, I'm on Twitter, I'm on Snapchat. Listen, emotional conversations are the guessing to the world. I love you guys so much, and like I always say, be true, y'all.