Effortless...

We live in the most connected generation, yet many of us have never felt more alone. We’ve replaced real connection with likes, views, and “low effort” relationships.

Love takes effort. Friendship takes effort. Healing takes effort.

Money matters, but genuine relationships are one of the richest currencies in life. A rich life isn’t only about what’s in your bank account… sometimes it’s about who’s sitting at your table. ❤️

https://www.instagram.com/emotional_conversationswithe/

HOM, Hour of Meditation- https://www.youtube.com/live/_5KWa_UszFg?si=dKLdh8_quky2t3vH 

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Hello, hello, everyone. Welcome back to Emotional Conversations with Big Esther. And of course, we're gonna let the B right out for now. Hello, everyone. Welcome, welcome back to Emotional Conversations with Big Esther. Nevertheless, shout out to y'all. Y'all are great. Y'all are awesome. Phenomenal. Thank you guys so much for all your love and your support. Everyone that's really been helping me navigate this content land. I just want to shout out to you guys. I there's just so many of you guys, my family, my friends, and the people that really care about me, and the people that have been asking for the pod and just really pushing me to get it done. You guys already know that that's something that I've struggled with a little bit. And I'm just, yo, I'm getting it as much as I possibly can. And I actually have the Lord to thank for that because I asked for him to send me people to help me on this journey, and he has. And I'm super grateful to everyone that's listening, sharing, subscribing. Thank you. That's all I can say. Thank you so much. Okay, so we're gonna get right into it. Okay, we're gonna get right into it. If you guys know anything about me, then if you're a first-time listener, welcome. Okay, welcome to the community. Come in, come in, come in, come in. We're happy to hear. We're happy to have you guys here. And if you've been here, you already know we're rocking, we're rolling. Okay, cool. So I want to get right into this. This episode's called Effortless. And if you guys follow me on social media, emotional conversations with E, then you guys know that I posted a video and I was just talking about how all I've been hearing of late is low maintenance, low maintenance. I need low maintenance this, I need low maintenance that. Nothing. Not a gosh damn thing. And I was just, I'm really perplexed. And I'm saying, like, listen, like I said, okay, anytime you tune into emotional conversations, this is my opinion. Okay, we will have some facts on here and we will have professionals come on here too. But this podcast, the basis of this podcast is what I've experienced, okay. The opinions that I have, the hot takes that I have. And I want to, I want to share that with you guys. It's a space for you to come and literally have your hot takes. Everyone is welcome. Everyone is welcome on this side. So I don't want like, and I love pushback. I love for us to just kind of like talk about it and go back and forth about it. That's what this you know, this platform is for. It's not just about me, but me and my house, I'm gonna say some things that you might not agree with, and it's cool. Like, we should be able to like just be, you know, because I know some people are like, oh, blah, blah, blah. And I totally understand that. That's cool. You know what I mean? Let's hash it out in the comments. Let's hash it out in the comments. But I did say, like, I don't understand how people just, you know, they want relationship. I feel like people want relation, they want to be connected, but they don't want to do the work for it. And it kind of just it's like people want to be rich, but we don't want to work for it. Like, there's all that. And I totally understand it. But where I feel like it's not gonna work is relationships. And I'm not only talking about romantic relationships, I'm talking about just relationships in life. So let me tell you guys what I did, okay? So I have this friend, and I'm very like, listen, once I consider you a friend, you're like family to me now, okay? I I really rock with you. Like I said, I love deeply, I care, I'm loyal, I'm loyal to a fault. Like I really, if I rock with you, I really rock with you, okay? And I don't like to do like surface level and stuff like that. And this friend of mine, I would call them all the time, text them all the time, you know, just everything, all the communication seemed like it was coming from my side, right? And one day, like it just hit me. I was like, oh, I feel like I'm doing a lot of work here. I'm pulling a lot of the weight, I'm putting my hands to the plow. And it doesn't, you know, I didn't automatically say, oh, this person doesn't love me. I was just like, I'm noticing that I'm doing a lot of the work. And if you know anything about me, I like to do social experiments. I like to, I like to do experiments, I like to put things to work. So what I did was pull back, you know. I pulled back a little bit, you know. I wanted to see, like, am I the one? Is this in my head? I want to try this. Let me see. So, you know, I didn't call for a couple days, I didn't text for a couple days, and I didn't hear anything. I didn't hear anything. It was it, I didn't hear nothing from this person. And, you know, the old me would have spiraled and been like, oh my gosh, they don't love me. I'm never gonna talk to them again, blah, blah, blah, blah. But you guys already know that the Lord is working on me, the spirit of the Lord, the Holy Spirit, He's working on me. I got him on the inside, and I'm in therapy, okay? And I read my word. I read, I read the word of God. I'm trying to be like him because God was a very emotionally intelligent and regulated man on this earth. Okay, okay, cool. And when I pulled back, whatever, whatever, I actually reached out to them. And because I do not want people to be mind readers, I think that's toxic. I let them know, like, hey, listen, I feel like I'm holding a lot of weight in this relationship. I feel like I have to call you all the time, text you all the time. And I don't really like how that makes me feel, sis. And I know you love me up, I know you love me down, I know you love me sad and sad. So I would like for you to reach out to me sometimes. Like, reach out to me more. Let's let's do you do me, I do you. If you know, you know. If you do me, I do you. Okay, anyways. You guys see this brain? Yeah, it'd be listen. But I told this person, I let them know how I felt, and they were like, nah, sis, come on, cool, I got you. And we are still friends till this day. That's my girl, that's my G, period. That's my girl, that's my rider. And I just had to let her know because for her, it's like, okay, well, you know, I never thought anything about it. Like, you, you have that personality. She's a little bit more, she's introverted. You know what I mean? But she, we good now. She calls me, she texts me, we we we chat, you know what I mean? And that's all I had to do. I I honestly, guys, like everyone wants low maintenance these days, and I don't understand how. And listen, I hear people say, I don't want drama, you know, I want something easy, I'm busy, I don't have the energy, and trust me, I get it. I get it, sister. I get it, brethren. Whatever that means, okay? We're tired, we're overwhelmed, we're overstimulated. Listen, life is expensive, and our attention spans are literally fighting for their lives, guys. They're fighting for the lives, so I totally understand it. But one thing that I started doing was really taking the time. This is something that I've been working on as of late. When something hits me or I realize that I'm doing something or something's happening in my life, that anything, I'll take a moment and I'll try to reflect on it. I'll ask myself questions and I try to go deeper. I don't just let it pass me by because obviously it's something that was brought to my attention. So somewhere, you know, I feel like we've just replaced community with convenience. We have Chat GPT, we have Claude. People are getting married to Chat GPT and Claude and just because it's easy. It's convenient, it keeps you in your comfort zone. You don't have to do much. And I think that's why people want low, low effort and low maintenance relationships. And I think listen, let's talk about the parasocial relationships, please. Oh my goodness. We think like, you know, people think liking your story means they checked on you. They think, you know, following you means you're locked in. I know that person, you know, because people be posting when they had, you know, they got married. When right when the baby comes out, they be posting that too. Like, so you feel like you're connected because they're letting you into that part of their life. You know, you think like sending an emoji when someone posts something. No, we are not locked in. That is not a real relationship. That is that's not. People have millions of followers. It can be a community, it can be one of your communities, but it can't be the community because life happens, life is going to happen. In the Bible, it even says, listen, there will be trials and tribulations, and you need good people, okay? Lean on me. Come on, let me give y'all a number. When you're not strong, period. I do a little singing. You're gonna need people, okay? Listen, liking, sharing, and following, it's great. It helps move what the person is trying to do along. But baby, that is not friendship. That's Wi-Fi. Wi-Fi is doing the work for you. That's not real connection. That's why I really want to talk about today, taking the effort, building the effort, and trying to just strive for better in our human relationships and our human connection. People are better to their animals, I'm learning. I know people love animals, but people connect more, spend more time with their animals than actual humans. We have a loneliness crisis. It's a pandemic, guys, of loneliness. And it's crazy because we have like seven billion people on the face of this planet. So I'm here to get in your houses, okay? And in mine too. I'm here to get in our homes, in our space. I'm here to, you know, have some uncomfortable conversations, guys, because this just can't continue to go on. It's deeper than, you know, it's deeper than what we think. Like, literally, let's talk about modern loneliness for a little bit, okay? I had to do a little bit of research because I was like, I can't be the only one that experiences people have hundreds of followers, okay? People, you know, just hundreds of followers, they're content creators, you know, people they get a lot of DMs, they they like I said, parasocial relationships and things like that. But you know what's really, what really I don't want to get too dark, but you know what's breaks my heart when these people that were popular, there's been a couple content creators that have taken their lives over the years, guys. Very popular, very rich, very wealthy, very connected, but have taken their lives. And I know that people can unalive themselves for like different different situations and things like that. But when I dug deeper into some of these situations situations with different content creators, a lot of them, you know, their parents were like they felt alone a lot, you know, they didn't have real friends, they were isolated. We need to separate. At my church, we were talking about this. You need to, what is reality to you? Like I feel like we are not in touch with our reality. We need to reel it back in. I get it. The doom scrolling, the dopamine, we need it. But we need to take time, set time aside from social media. If you're a content creator, whatever, we live on the internet, whatever it is you're doing, set a time aside where you you you bring yourself back to reality. You have you ask yourself questions. You can do it by yourself, you can do it with friends and family, you need that time aside. I like to take that time aside. I have to, because my brain be going all over the place, okay? My brain's always constantly working, constantly thinking, constantly trying to provide solutions for me. I need time alone to just reset. Nothing on. Meditation is great for this. If you are looking for a one-hour session that can really just give you that time to just relax and just kind of power down, but power up in the spirit. Hour of meditation, Emmanuel Dada Dewisi on everywhere, every platform you can guys, or just go to Hour of Meditation. It's an awesome way to just power down, but power up in the spirit. Okay, I'll link it below so that you guys can, you know, click it and maybe try it. I I love it. I love it. My apostle, my pastor at my church, he kind of leads it. It's just a one-hour session and it's great. And whoever you believe in, if you believe in Buddha, if you believe in whatever you believe in, if you believe in Jesus, whatever, you can go on that journey to just even if it's every day before you go to work or start your day or every day in the afternoon, it's honestly a great time to like just reflect and kind of because listen, we live our lives on the internet and it's it's just it's hard. Like, you know, one thing that I realized too is people will have like 5,000 followers, whatever, whatever, whatever. But when things happen in their lives, when crisis hits, they don't have anybody to go to. That's why a lot of people you find a lot of people coming to the internet. Um sometimes I'm like, why y'all gotta add me to the group chat? Because they don't have anybody to go to, guys. They don't have friends and family that they feel like they can trust or they've built relationships with that they can go to. That's why a lot of these celebrities they bring their issues and their problems and deep family-rooted secrets to the internet. We have access to people, but there's no intimacy, guys. There's literally no intimacy. I'ma let I'ma let it, I'm gonna let it be a little, I just let's take some time to really, really process that. Everyone on the face of this planet, the ones that were here, the ones that are here, the ones that will be coming in the future, no matter what you believe in, what no matter what higher power you believe in, we were made for communion. Human beings were made for communion, we're made for togetherness, we were we're made for closeness. That's why we have mom and dad and children, and we have a family structure. That's why. Listen, I want you guys if I if you guys don't leave with anything from this podcast, I want you guys to start to reflect, ask yourselves the right questions, and put the time in to build that. Listen, I know a lot of y'all be oh crypto, oh let me stocks and bonds and da-da-da-da-da. And y'all are getting your wealth up, get into the bag, get to the bag, get to the bag. That's all you ever hear. Get to the bag, get to the bag, da da da da da. In order, listen, that's great, that's awesome, that's nice. But the the listen, you are the richest person on the face of this planet. If you have people you can call friend, if you have people that you call family, listen, I know all the business gurus are not telling you. They're telling you to stay up all night, make money, do this, do this. No emotional intelligence, no accountability, no intimacy, just make money. The mo listen, the richest people in the world, relationships are currency. They are currency, guys. Like, who I can't tell you guys enough. Like, just even some of the things that I'm going through. When I like when I see, like, you know, you guys know it's not no secret. I don't really have a good relationship with my mother, my my bio mother, my bio father. They're they did the best they could, but you know, listen, the the life helped dealt me different cards. Thank God that I have my spiritual parents that, you know, really step in and love me and care for me and have really helped me and guided me. But it hurts still. It still hurts that I I can't pick up the phone and call my mother, my father, go or have the support that I think I needed. And me and my, you know, my siblings, we're trying to build our relationships back. We're fighting for our lives. It's not easy. But the ones that have a mom and dad and family and friends and they and they have real relationships, they say, listen, listen, listen, look for it, Google it, research it. They say those people are they are the most healthiest people to be in relationships with because they have community, they have connection. I know people, you know, let's have a low maintenance friendship, you know, like call me, like we can talk once a year, once every two years, and we're gonna pick up where we left off. There ain't nothing to pick up from. We didn't, we didn't put down anything to pick up. I'm sorry, I'm in y'all houses today and I'm standing on. I said what I said. Okay. You need time. You need time to foster relationships, to get to know people. Do you guys know what 365 days is? Do you know what even a month is? Do you know what people can go through in a month? So all those people like, yeah, you know, I don't listen, I understand. I'm not saying that you guys have to talk every single day. I'm not saying that you guys have to share every single thing, but you are going to need somebody to lean on. And I want to get into y'all houses. The women and men that get married and then leave all their friends behind. I see you. Come to the front. Come to the front. We're calling you to the front. Come to the front. I see you. You guys, you it's it's unfair to put that type of pressure on your partner. It's completely unfair. And I've seen people do it many, many, many times, dashway their friends because they're married and they think that's, you know, it comes with this. Listen, marriage comes with glory. Don't don't get me wrong. But completely leaving your friends behind, life will come. Life will hit, life will knock at your door. You're going to need somebody. When that man is driving you up the mall wall and annoying you, you you're gonna look around and who you gonna talk to? You're just gonna have to turn around and talk to Jamal because you know what I mean. I'm in y'all's houses. I see you guys do that a lot. And listen, listen, this is a hot take. I said what I said. I'm gonna stand on business. A lot of men don't do that. They stay connected to their friends. It's easy peasy, lemon squeezy. They'll still play basketball, they'll still meet to do poker. They, you know what I mean? Women be, I have a family now. I'm married now, sweetie. Oh, you can't call me at this time. I'm not saying don't have boundaries. Have boundaries, sweetheart. Have the boundaries that you need. But that's just not cool when when that happens. And if you've done it and you kind of just got caught up in your marriage and caught up with a new chapter of your life, and I get it, but you can still repair it now. You can still repair it now. I feel like when when it comes to romantic relationships, that's when people want to, you know, but bring out all the stops and you know, pour into it. And a lot of it comes from fear, a lot of it stems from like losing that person and not wanting to be alone and the stigma that it comes with when you're older and you don't have a relationship or just not having a partner in general. A lot of people will do anything just to be like, oh, I have a partner that ain't doing nothing, ain't bringing nothing to the relationship. You're not happy. They're not helping you grow, they're not giving you peace and joy, they're not expanding your capacity. But you can be like, oh, I have a partner to go home to, but you, this is the loneliest you've ever felt. This is the loneliness, you the loneliest you've ever felt. Relationships, I like I think that friend, I don't know, that word friendship is just maybe I'm so traumatized and I'm working through it. I don't even like to really hear that word friendship. I call people my kinfo, I call people my people, my tribe, my village. I'm still currently building that. I'm not saying I fully have that in real time, but I'm learning in real time what that means. I'm learning that even the relationship you have with yourself, you need to put in time for yourself. Ask yourself, what do you like? What don't I like? What pisses me off? What doesn't piss me off? What do I like to eat? What's my favorite color? Like you can start surface and go deeper. It's called time. Time. You need to take time with yourself. I know everything is run, run, run, run, run, fast, fast, fast, fast, fast. Because society tells us that. But it's it's a construct. It's not real. It's not real. Listen, we and and I understand also people like, well, we don't have all the time in the world, but listen, one day at a time, sweet Jesus. That's all we're asking you for. One day at a time. Build real, genuine friendships, guys. Build, build real relations with yourself, with your higher power, with your family. Try to show up genuinely for people. Put up boundaries. Like, I'm not saying, like, you know what I mean, just run yourself dry. I'm not saying that. Run yourself to the ground. I'm not saying that. But we need to. We need, and literally, if you're like, okay, you know what? I want to do this, but I don't know how to be a friend. I've never really had friends. I'm here to help. Because I've struggled in that area too. There's no shame in our game. We want to be better. We don't have to be perfect. You're not going to be a perfect friend, a perfect spouse, a perfect parent. That's not life. The beauty of relation is allowing people to be who they are, allowing people to become. Like we are always becoming. You don't become fully. We are, it's it's not a destination. You continue to go, and every day you're learning, and every day you're becoming, you're becoming. That's the important thing. But you also have to be around people that are are willing to, you know, they're becoming too. Because if you're just listen, check your environment. That matters too. And sometimes people want low maintenance because they just don't have the best environments. And if you don't, that's okay. That's absolutely okay. Try your best to this world has so many people that are looking for love, that are looking to be in relation. You just have to have conversations, guys. Put yourself out there. Don't be scared. Be vulnerable. Tell yourself, tell people what you really want. I know I'll give you guys a story. And I'll go back to my birthday because that's just a really big one. You guys already know. So I for years I was traumatized about my birthday. And the reason why I was traumatized is because when I was younger, my parents didn't really they didn't celebrate my birthday ever. You know what I mean? And I just felt really overlooked and I felt unseen and I was already dealing with a rejection wound, a huge rejection wound. So what I would do subconsciously is tell myself, okay, this this this birthday, they're gonna celebrate me. This birthday, they're gonna celebrate me. But I wasn't opening my mouth and letting them know what I wanted. I wasn't being vulnerable. I was still very scared. I was full of fear. I was like, okay, well, say if I say it and they reject me. Say if I Sit and and I I was still moving with that notion and expecting them to read my mind. So year after year I was being disappointed because and not because of anything that my friends did. They tried, but it was like there was a certain way that I wanted to be celebrated. And I just wasn't telling the truth because I was scared. I thought they would leave. I thought they wouldn't they would reject me. But now I listen, you could ask all my friends, celebrate me. Celebrate me. Celebrate me. Celebrate me. They know that. They know that I've told them, like, listen, 365 days. I just want one day where y'all celebrate me. I want one day where y'all go above and beyond for me. I want one day when it's all about me. I want one day when y'all tell me, listen, love on me, cradle me, take care of me, pamper me. That's all I ask. One day, one day, one day. And they understand that now. They get that. You know what I mean? And if they truly love me, they really care about me, I'm a priority for them. They will do that for me. And there's nothing wrong with that. There's absolutely nothing wrong with telling people what you need, how you want to be loved, teaching people, taking them on that journey with you. There's nothing wrong with that. My sister always says, she's one of those people, she's standing, she's like, Esther, you need to stand on business about what you want, who you're becoming, because, and if people don't like it, it is what it is. Kick rocks. You're just not for me. And they're not bad people either. There's some people that just can't commit to that. There's just some people that just cannot commit to, you know, celebrating me or da-da-da-da. But one thing about me I know for sure, where there's a will, there's a way. If you really care about someone, even if it's little, a letter. I love written cards. My cousin always writes me these beautiful cards. And I keep them. I've kept them all. A lot of you guys, I know life is expensive. Yo, listen, that one friend that you know that might be posting a few things on Instagram or you know, they're cutting- you heard through the grapevine, they're going through something. Call them up. Babes, you want to go? I just want to take you off a coffee. A seven dollar, I'll take you off a coffee. Hear them out. Help, provide solutions. We have to do life together because listen, tragedy is going to strike. Crisis is going to strike. And if you have been that friend that just checks in once a year, looks at what they're doing on Instagram, likes all their pictures and stuff, and now you want people to show up for you. That's the funny part too. I want to talk about that really quickly. People be doing low maintenance friendships and thinking that they're, you know, they're getting away with it, not showing up to your events, not showing up to things like the pivotal parts of your life, not being there when maybe a loved one passes away, but whatever. And then when it's their turn to be celebrated or it's their wedding or their baby shower, da da da da da, and it's given empty, no one's there, no one's there for you. Then now you you want to talk, you want to go post things on Instagram talking about, oh yeah, I don't have a village, I don't da-da-da-da-da. Respect and love the people around you. Put in time. Put in time. Just the same way you have to put in time for your marriage or your whatever, your relationship, your you have in friendships, learn how to be a good friend for the love of Christ. Oh my God. It says in the Bible, love your neighbor as you love yourself. So the good things that you think about yourself, think them for your neighbor. The good things that you want for yourself, want for your neighbor. The life that you're looking for, the joy, the love, the help, the communion. Want that. Give that to your neighbor. It's not easy. If you do not know there is therapists around for a reason, there's books, there's sermons, there's churches. I think the easiest way to actually really start to learn how to steward relationships is to get in communion. Get find yourself a good local church. A good one, one that the Lord is leading you to. And listen, local churches and churches, they're hospitals. God is repairing, restoration, and transformation. You got to find the right people. Just because you go to church doesn't mean that you can't be hurt. I have had some church hurt. Now I have some church hurt that I'm working through currently. But one thing about it, once things are shredded, my my church has kept me alive. It's kept me alive. Okay. I need a church break. I listen. CCCG, Cornerstone Christian Church of God. Okay. It's on 50th Street. Google us. We we are there with open arms. It's a great way to get in community. It's a great way. No pressure. No one's gonna tell you come every Sunday. Like you can really come in, pop out, check the scope the scene. It's somewhere to start. And if you're like, yeah, I know I don't really like do the church thing, that's okay. You can literally read books. There's a lot of books that I'm reading right now. I want to tell you guys about one of the books that I'm reading right now that is very powerful when it comes to just building relationships. Let me get to it. I want to share this is a resource that I want to share with you guys. And then we're gonna go into something else. So this one's called In Fat Um Fighting for Our Friendships, and it's by Danielle Bernard Jackson. You guys, please go buy this book if you have not. You can get it on Kindle. It's called Fighting for Our Friendships. And it's beautiful, it's powerful. I'm not finished it yet, but you guys, it's awesome. Now, I want to go back to what I said about in a Bible that says, love your neighbor as you love yourself. You have to do the self-work to really see yourself as a priority. So when people come to try to breadcrumb you and give you low effort, you know how to take a step back and not be upset and not internalize and beat yourself up for it. For a long time, I internalize that a lot. Oh, like this person who treats me this way because of me. No, a lot of time it's a reflection on them and we need to separate the two. Yes, I think that you definitely need to love yourself and start to really show up for yourself and not abandon yourself. I find that when you do that in a non-selfish way, because I feel like loving yourself and honing in on yourself does not mean you're selfish. Like we know what a selfish person is, we know what a narcissist is. I think we all know what that is now. And if you don't, just look it up, okay? When there's gonna be a season when you have to really, really build your foundation when it comes to you. And I'm in that season right now where I'm trying my best to build that foundation of my identity and who I am in Christ and why I'm valuable just because I'm Esther Abbeola Chanta, not for my works, not for my capacity, not for what I can do for other people, not for what I bring to the table, just because I'm a child and a daughter of the most high God. And I think that that's really that that's where the work begins. That's really where the work begins, guys. Like, and if you are, you know, looking to find a book on identity that's really, really great. My apostle wrote a book. It's called, you know, it's called It's on Identity, and you can actually just look up Emmanuel um Emmanuel Adosi on like Kindle or Amazon, and all his books will come up. There's one called Love Management, that's a really, really great one too. And he has one on identity. And I go buy it, go buy it. These are books that will change your life, guys. Change your life and give you insight on how to start and where to start. Because listen, under the sound of my voice, guys, I've seen people go through hell alone because they were they didn't want to put in the time to bless people with their presence. They were too busy, they were doing this, they were doing that. Guys, I listen, the the the the soldiers of soldiers, the hardest men in this world, even I always hear this, and I think it's actually hilarious. I don't remember who's that. I think it might have been my apostle, I don't know, but Hitler, he had a wife, he was married, he had someone. Supposedly, she was like the mastermind of it all. She he had someone. I'm not saying it's not the greatest example, but I'm just saying, like, we all need people, we need each other. We are God's hands and feet on this earth. I I know sometimes we feel like, oh my God, we're just being spread thin, but let me talk to you about the sacrifice. The sacrifice of relation. Being in relation is not a joke. All let me shout out all my friends out there and all the people that are born in like winter months and they have dinners and they deserve to be celebrated too. We love y'all too, okay? But you know when you it's minus 35 and your friend's having a dinner and you don't want to get up and drink, you don't want to dress up and go outside, but you got to do what you got to do because they deserve love too. That's called friend tax. That's what I call it. I call it friend tax. I know there's family tax. There's just things that need to be done, and there's sacrifices that need. Yes, I don't want to be here, but I'm going to be here. And when I'm here for my friend, I'm going to smile. I'm going to smile. I'm not coming to your event and be like, oh, well, I was here and I'm bringing bad vibes and bringing bad energy. Stay far away from me or don't come at all. That's a conversation that we can have later. But though, and listen, I want to talk about these types of people too. Because I think that people are traumatized. And I think that's the reason why people are just like, low effort, low effort. Because people don't want to give when they're not being nothing has been given back. Listen, I know a lot of people like, oh, you shouldn't give to people because of what you'll get back. No, baby. No, actually, no. You do me, I do you. Okay. This is a relationship between two people. Okay. I'm not just giving to you all the time and then saying, oh, you know, it's okay. I'm just giving from the abundance of my heart, child. Yes, I'm giving from the abundance of my heart, but you better start doing something with the abundance of your heart. And that's just what it is. That's where I'm at at 39. I'm not doing no, oh, every day overextending myself, overextending myself. The capacity that I have to love you is there. I'm a loving person. I have a lot of grace. But what I'm not gonna do is continually give and pour from a place of genuine love and abundance and for it to be just thrown in my face, and you're taking me for Poppy Show. Translation, you're taking me for an idiot, and I'm not. And I think a lot of people, they just want, they want to take, they want to take, they want to take, they want to take, but they don't want to give. They don't want to do anything, any uncomfortable conversations. And people that be gaslighting people, you know, I'm I'm the type of person where I love to be around people. I love it. Like, you know what I mean? I love to be around my friends. I I I'm a social person, but I also have the time where I like to be by myself and I do that. And I find that a lot of times people be like, oh, like you're so clingy, you're so this, you're so that, da-da-da-da-da. Like, no, don't be gaslighting people into if you listen, if you like to be around people, if you're a very social person, be that person. Stand on business about you. Stand on business about you. And if you're not and you're really introverted, that's great too. Find a way to bring people in into your world too, right? I haven't I have my sister's very introverted. I have sisters that I love that are introverted. And I, we, you know, we took some time. It took some navigating because I cared about the relationship and it was a priority to me. We're trying to find the balance on how we can we can do that. I have some friends that if they come to one event, they're completely drained. They need they need a couple days to come back. And that's okay. It's about love. Find out what works for you, but it be doing the work. Be doing the work. I'll never, I'll never stop talking about these people. These young boys that I grew up with, they're like family to me, okay? In my old neighborhood in Toronto, those guys have done life together since sandbox, okay? Weddings, baby showers, vacations, dinners, hangouts, cookouts. They be together. They roll as a pack, as a community. And when one person does a business, they support them, they post this, they do that, but they're in communion together. And I think that's what's really keeping them together and alive and thriving. That's a real thing. If you are around people, they're like, oh, I don't really, you know, I don't really need people. I don't really like to be outside. Like, I don't really be, you know, I'm not the one to type to really fight for friendships. I'm not that. I mental Rolidex. Unless I know that person's like a little traumatized and, you know, I have more insider context. But if I just meet somebody and they're saying that, like, that's I'm good on you, baby. I need someone that values people. I need someone that cares for people. Those people that be cutting people off just with the swiftness, that is scary. That's scary. Listen, have a boundary. Don't let people play with you, but you gotta watch those things, guys. And I want to end it off with I want to round off really quickly with my brothers and sisters out there that are genuine lovers and nurturers and caregivers. They they just seem to, you know, play that role a lot for people. I understand why you guys want low maintenance friendships. I totally understand it. I totally get it. When you're everyone's therapist like me, where I was, I'm I'm a recovering people pleaser. I told you guys that, okay. You know, you're constantly giving, you feel responsible for everybody, you feel responsible for people's emotions. I still struggle with that. I feel responsible for people's emotions and and you know, you know how they're feeling, and I can take that on, and I'm I'm still working through it, but I listen, I see you guys, I hear you guys, and I understand. But come a little closer, come to the front because we have to talk about this. When you are in a relationship and you are doing, doing, doing, doing for the other person, you need to be able to speak up with love. Speak up with love and say, you know what, babes, I feel like I'm giving a lot more than you're giving to me. Those are the conversations that we have to have. How can real how can we realign this? How can we move from this POV to maybe a more healthier, balanced POV? Those are uncomfortable conversations that you have to have. And a lot of people don't want to do that because a lot of people they they navigate through fear. And it's not easy when you love someone. If you've had a rejection wound like I deal with, then it's it's not easy to tell people like, I don't like this. I want it to be this way. Like, how can we move it to a place where it's more balanced? Because you don't want to lose people. But let me tell you something. You are valuable, you matter, you're cared for, and you're loved by the Lord. And anyone in your life that does not want to hear you out, have conversations, they're probably not supposed to be in your life, and that's okay. Everyone will have that season where they feel like they're alone. And then you work on it, especially when it's new. I'm building that foundation in real time, guys. This is not something that, oh my gosh, I'm perfect at. I'm still a recovering people pleaser. But every single day I start to understand, no, you're doing a lot. No, I I let's have the conversation. And I have to be, I have to start saying what I really feel. Do I always get it right? No. But you got to start somewhere. And I think that where you can start is just telling yourself every single day that I matter, that I'm cared for, I love myself, I'm cared for by the Lord. There's people that care for me. You like you have to talk to yourself, build that relationship with yourself. Once it's strong, once your relationship with your higher power of mind is Jesus Christ, as it's getting stronger and stronger and stronger, and he's telling me who I am and he's showing me who he made me to be, it's easier for me to say no to BS. It's easier for me to be like, no, that doesn't work for me. Um, is there any way that we can maybe change this? We can bring it to more of a balance. That has to be strong. If not, let me tell you something. Human beings, we are natural, we just naturally take. We are takers, we we use people, we abuse people, we put ourselves first. It's just it's a reflex. But that's why we have the Holy Spirit, that's why we have Jesus Christ, that's why we have, you know, whatever you might believe in, that's supposed to center us out and be able to help other people and love other people. God died on the cross for us, okay? He was on the cross and said, God, forgive them because they don't know what they do. I don't think that anyone could outlove God. I really don't, but we can strive to be like him. So for all my people out there that, you know, you're the you're you're the therapist, you're the babysitter, you're the one, the friend that shows up every single day, and they're you're always there. And and you know, if that other person, you guys have that and it's like you guys do it for each other, then great, you know. But if you're that one friend that's always extending your arm and extending yourself emotionally, and you find that that one like something happens and you need that person and there's nowhere no one around, you can't, you don't know where Shaniko at, you don't know where Jaggy at. You're just like, ooh, then you need to recalibrate. Those are hard conversations, but it's called putting yourself first. It's called not self-abandoning yourself. Okay, my lovelies. I hope that helps a little bit for you guys. Put more effort, okay, into yourself, into relationship with yourself, into relationships with other people. Show up for people. Show up for people genuinely. Be genuinely happy for your friends when they go into that next chapter. Bring your people along. Like I said, find that medium that works for you. But listen, I need love, I need attention, I need validation, I need to be watered in relation as I do it for other people. That's how we become bright. That's how we be we glow, guys. That's how our mental health is aligned. It takes work, but you can do it. It doesn't have to be with a bunch of people. It can be with one person, it can be with two people. Like just build, you know, let relationships be important to you because they are currency. And it will get you into the rooms that you could never get into. It will get you into the rooms that your accolades cannot get you into. I've been ushered into rooms because of my character, because of the love and care and appreciation that I have for human beings. It's listen, say what you want. Say, I don't give a damn. If it's one thing that I know about me, is the love that the Lord has given me for other people. I'm working on the love that He has for me and the love that I have for myself because that I that has to be strong. And I'm doing it day by day, day by day, but day by day. And if you're out there like, well, I don't love myself, but I I feel like I genuinely love people. Listen, you can love people, okay? You can care for people, you can and you know, not fully have that for yourself yet. It's you gotta work it through. You gotta work it through. It takes time, you know. Turn it to, you know, maybe if you're you know spreading yourself really, really thin, take some time. Start to usher that back into yourself and your mental state and your emotional state and your physical state. I just want to say one thing before I go because I wanted out to sit. Boundaries aren't for distance, boundaries are for direction. Because I think that people use boundaries for distance to disconnect from people, to push people away. It's just a wall that people have to climb and people are tired. Boundaries are not for distance, boundaries are for direction in the relationship. Boundaries tell people how to love you, how to show up for you without destroying you. I'll give you examples. I love you, but I can't talk tonight, sweetheart. I really need some rest. I can't actually solve this for you, hon, but I can maybe let's let's figure out how who can. And relationships don't accidentally become deep. Depth is built. Depth is built, depth is built. Depth is built. Even in relationship with the Spirit of God, the Holy Spirit ain't low maintenance, baby. Jesus Christ ain't low maintenance. The walk with Christ is not low maintenance. If you know, you know all my saints and it's out there. It's not low maintenance. You want to be a good wife, it's not you wanna be you want to be a good mother? It takes time. It's built with time. Be present. Put the phone down. Nothing says you matter more than attention, guys. Nothing says you matter more than giving your f your attention to yourself and other people. Checking on that friend, texting that friend, inviting someone out to dinner. I'm thinking of you. How's your heart doing? How's your mind doing? Let's grab coffee. Birthdays, big moments, people's fears, their dreams. And a lot of people leave relationships because they think conflict means oh my god, it means failure. And that's not true. It frustrates me when people think like conflict and disagreements mean failure. No, baby, you're doing the work. My apostle said this. He's like, listen, if you think I'm pastoring you and you just love me, you're just oh my gosh, you've never had a problem with me. I'm not pastoring you well. There's something, something's off here. Something's off here. It's not conflict, isn't failure. Avoiding conflict is failure, but it can be, you know, looked at as failure. But it doesn't have to be like that. Like trust, it's not built through grand gestures. That helps. But my sister taught me that. I'm a very over-the-top person. I like to like my my love language is gifts. So I would always like give her stuff or like give her money or do whatever. Like, you know what I mean? Because I really want to like build connection and intimacy and trust. And she's like, baby, you don't have to do that. You know what I mean? These are the some of the things that I like. And if I care about her and I love her, she's a priority to me. Or, you know, I'm going to do those things. Like, it doesn't always have to be a grand gesture. Everybody isn't chasing money. Money matters, trust me. I get it. It does. You gotta pay the bills. You gotta keep the lights on. Money ain't gonna hold your hand, okay? When your heart is breaking, when you've lost a mother, a father, a child, whatever. Money ain't gonna hold your hand. People, human beings, we do that. Relationships, like I said, are one of the greatest forms of wealth, guys. I wanna slow it down so you really hear me. Healing comes through relationships, growth comes through relationships, love. It comes through relationships, long life through relationships. You gain life. Have you ever been around someone that just has so much light and life? And they refill you, they restore you. I have, and I know that I'm that for other people, but you can be that too one day at a time. Okay, so this this week I want you guys to do something uncomfortable, okay? I want to I want to leave you guys with an assignment. Text one person, call one person, apologize if you need to. Invite someone to coffee, build something real with someone this week. That friend that you know you love, you love, you love, but you know you're you're scared to get your heart broken. Because I want to say this too. When you when you give, when you when you show up this way for people, when you try not to be effortless in relationships, it it's a risk. Being in romantic relationships is a risk. It's a risk that you you have to be willing to take. You have to prepare your mind for that. You have to be in center, you have to realign, you have to be strong within the Lord and strong within yourself because it is a risk and it is scary. And when I meet people or even people I'm in relation now, friends, family, whatever, it's a risk for me to be vulnerable the way that I am. But I want to be in communion, I want to be in relation. The Lord, when he came down to earth, he knew it was a risk. He knew that we weren't, we weren't-ish. He knew that. He knew that. He knew he was coming to die. He knew he knew we were, he was coming to die, but he took that risk. He didn't, he he counted it all equal to just come down. It's a risk, and I hear you and I understand. Trust me when I tell you guys, I hear you and I understand, and I know nobody wants to take the risk, and we want to walk around as you know, with these shallow relationships with no depth. I know, trust me, I like I I want to play in that area too, but I can't. We have to challenge ourselves to do more, we have to challenge ourselves to go deeper. There's probably somebody out there waiting for you to show them a little bit of effort, to remind them that they matter. Do that work, guys. And that's how we heal, that's how we come together, that's how we stay true. Y'all listen, it's been awesome, it's been great. Try your hand at that assignment. Call someone, text someone, have that uncomfortable conversation. I love you guys so much, so much. Once again, I just want to say thank you guys so much for really connecting with my content. Like, share, and subscribe. Emotional conversations with E on Instagram, YouTube, listen to my podcast, share it, repost it when I post it. I really, really love you guys. Have an amazing, amazing rest of your week. And remember, be safe and stay true.